The top 12 best lines (so far) from "Feud"


I'm bingeing 'Feud' and boy, it's tough! Because I want it to last forever. Which is why I've made it only through the second episode... it's just too delicious not to savor as long as possible. Of course, first of all, the performances are spectacular and the direction superb, but oh, darling, the writing ~ by Ryan Murphy, Jaffe Cohen, Michael Zam, Tim Minear and Gina Welch ~ is simply unsurpassed. Here are my top 12 favorite lines so far (could not cut it down to 10 or even 11, hard as I tried), uttered by the peerless actors who bring these characters so beautifully to life: Jessica Lange's imperious Joan Crawford, Susan Sarandon's fiery Bette Davis, Alfred Molina's long suffering Bob Aldrich, Jackie Hoffman's stoic Mamacita, Stanley Tucci's bullying Jack Warner, Judy Davis's hilariously quivering Hedda Hopper, Kathy Bates's lovable Joan Blondell, Alison Wright's savvy Pauline. And these moments are ONLY from the first two episodes! The anticipation of what's still to come is thrilling. I'm definitely taking my time. Over a martini.


12:

Joan (re Marilyn Monroe):

I've got great tits too, but I don't throw 'em in everyone's face.

11:

Joan:

I must have eaten something that disagreed with me.

Hedda:

Crow?

10:

Mamacita:

I ran into the gardeners outside and they want to know

when they'll get paid. We owe them two months.

Joan:

What did you tell them?

Mamacita:

That it was an honor to prune Miss Crawford's bush and to shut up.

9:

Bob:

What about the espionage script?

Pauline:

Oh, no. Stinko. I knew who did it on page 3.

8:

Bob:

You're too big for Broadway, Bette.

Come back to Hollywood, where you belong.

7:

Jack:

Her unemployment is my long-simmering revenge.

6:

Bette (on her character):

She's full of venom and doesn't mince words.

We have nothing in common.

5:

Jack:

I haven't seen this much shit since my last bowel movement.

Bob:

What year was that?

Jack:

1932.

4:

Hedda:

Welcome to the house that fear built. Come on in!

3:

Bette:

Fish jello. Goody.

Hedda:

It's aspic, darling. It's all the rage.

2:

Joan Blondell:

The1950s and early 60s were tough times for all us

mature gals ... the only women gettin' hired ... well,

they had big chests and small brains. Hahaha!

1:

Hedda:

You deliberately called up that incontinent cow just to scoop me!

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